bet you thought I quit!

well, you are mostly right. I did. A few times, but ultimately I have found myself thinking more about running and remembering what it feels like after a great run and how when I'm consistently running how good it feels. So this blog post is about memory.

My last post was a positive, uplifting memory of feeling like I was going to be ready for the Falmouth Road Race. It didn't last. I think I ran a few more times after that one, then it got wicked hot, I got bored on the treadmill and couldn't even walk outside, let alone run and I decided not to run the race. My friend, H, had decided not to run either and we were going to just cheer on my BFF, A, during his first running race, and I relaxed and started sleeping again. Then, after a relaxing day on a beautiful beach in Cape Cod and spaghetti dinner (sympathy carb loading with A) H decided we were going to run too. I resisted for a long time, cried a little and finally agreed to go buy a new sports bra since I hadn't even packed mine, and at least give the race a try.

I was a wreck the night before, but by the morning of the race I had relaxed. I wasn't prepared, mentally, emotional or physically, so I just decided to go with it and see what happened. Well, what happened was, H ran with me, slowly, but I could tell I was holding her back, despite some physical foot problems she had been suffering from, she felt pretty good. Feeling guilty for keeping her, I told her to go on. She hadn't brought a phone and was anxious about completing the race too, so because her parents live two miles in to the course I told her to take mine and I would bail out at their house.

So, on she went with my phone and as soon as she ran off ahead I felt relieved. Running with someone had really stressed me out and I started to think, maybe I can do this.... But when the time came and I arrived upon her parents cheering at the end of their road, I got nervous. Now I'm without a line of communication and what if I get 5 miles in and can't finish or contact anyone to come find me. That, combined with my lack of confidence in my ability to run the race the way I wanted to, caused me to quit.

I quit and I was so mad about it. I was a little mad that I ran the race even though I wasn't ready. I was mad that I didn't finish what I started. I was even mad that I was mad. Once I got over being mad, I decided that I was actually really proud of myself for at least trying. I know what the race is like, I know the worst of the course (the beginning!) and I know that if I work hard, I could do it again, and finish it.

Despite feeling like it was something I could, and wanted to do, I came home and hadn't run again until today. My friends and I do the Lupus Loop in Philly every year and I usually walk it. I had been hoping to run it this year, but each day I would say, I should really start running again and then I wouldn't. So now that that school is back underway and I am in a routine, I decided that today was the day to start.

So here is where the idea of memory comes back into play. I think that muscle, and maybe even what I might call physical memory is an amazing thing! I haven't run in almost two months, and that was just once for the race, before that it was probably another month. So I didn't know what would happen when I went back out there. I can't say it was sunshine and rainbows. Actually, it was humid and cloudy, but that's not really what I mean. I did just shy of 2.5 miles and ran almost half of that, in intervals. It was slow, and it hurt, sometimes a lot, but it certainly didn't feel like when I first started the couch to 5k plan 9 months ago. I remembered. I could recall what it felt like to run two miles, both emotionally and also physically. My muscles remembered too, and I find this pretty amazing.

Maybe even amazing enough to remember this feeling on Thursday and to go back out there and run some more!

back on track

Haha, back on 'track!' I crack myself up :) Anyway, after a much too long hiatus, I went jogging today. My last run was a good one, and one I never shared about because I forgot, but the memory of my four mile run up and down the boardwalk many weeks ago was what got my sneakers on for me this morning. I recalled the feeling of joy when some random guy started running along side me, cheering (probably looked like I needed some encouragement as I huffed, puffed and sweated my way down the boards!) When I passed him as I headed towards home, he remembered me and cheered again, demanding a high five. I obliged and smiled for a good deal longer than I usually do when running! So this running memory was what made me get back on it today. I have been really busy, and while that often feels like a good enough excuse for me not to run, lately I've been seriously considering not running the Falmouth Road Race.
I'll admit it. I'm scared. I am scared I won't finish. I'm scared, if I do finish, I'll come in last. I'm scared that people I know and love will see me run and know how slow I am. I'm scared that strangers will think I'm silly for running so slowly... the list goes on and on. So today, I decided, I at least have to try. I may be nervous, or even scared of all of these things, but at least I'm doing it. How many people can say they've run a seven mile race? It may not seem like much to some people, but to me, that could be a pretty big deal.
So I put on my shoes, thought about where I felt like running and decided to try somewhere new. I drove the mile over to Valley Forge Memorial Park and immediately felt like it was a perfect choice for my first run in what felt like ages. It was quiet (I guess most cemeteries are) peaceful, a good mix of shade and sun, and some gently rolling hills. I did a little over two miles, and ran most of it. I felt ok, not great, but probably better than I expected. I feel now, like I can do this race. Two miles is not even close to 7, but I know that with some consistent work over the next few weeks, I'll at least be able to finish the Road Race. I just have to keep simple goals in mind and not let my competitive nature take over, because that's when I feel like giving up!

Stay tuned!

I tackled Valley Forge Park!

I decided today was the day to conquer the loop in VFNP. It is 5 miles with some grueling hills, but I did it! I was not able to run the whole thing, I probably jogged 2/3s and walked the other third, but it felt pretty good and it certainly was a beautiful day for it! I figure, if I alternate doing my gym work outs and strength training with running the boardwalk when I'm at the beach and doing the Park when I'm home, I should be in pretty good shape for Falmouth Road Race. Baby steps, just like the 5k!

Let the summer training begin!

I feel like today was my official start of summer, so I kicked it off with a trip to the gym. I had decided that if I'm going to really do this training for the Falmouth Road Race right, I need to work on my strength as well as just the running. Today seemed like as good a day as any to start cross training. I ran 1.5 miles to get myself warmed up and it was harder than it should have been, in my mind anyway. The last several weeks I've really slacked off in the running department and I'm feeling the burn of regret! Luckily for me, with summer comes the gift of time, so I plan on hitting the gym a few days a week to work on strength training, and keep up the running as well. I really don't like running on the treadmill, so I'm hoping it stays cool enough in the morning that I can keep running outside. I don't feel pressured to run the whole thing, but I just want to do the best I can. I never thought I could run 3 miles and I did, so hopefully 7 miles is an achievable goal as well.

I did it!

I completed my first 5k. I was able to run about 98% of the race, which I feel good about, especially since my training definitely tapered off the last week and a half. The course was pretty hilly and it felt strange running with other people around. I had trouble fighting my competitive tendencies as people passed me, but I just kept telling myself that I was not in it to win, just to prove to myself I could do it! My time was slow, like 46min. but I know I can do better next time! Also, it was awesome to do something in honor of my friends Allie and Jess's Mom :)

So, looking forward, I may add another 5k sometime this summer, but I will keep training for the Falmouth Road Race (7 miler) in August. Stay tuned!

3 miles!!

I did it. I ran three miles on Thursday. I headed over to a new location for me, the Norristown Farm Park and had a great run. I DID get a little lost, (go ahead and laugh) and had to get some assistance from a park ranger and a map, but then I was back on track and had a pretty good run. I am slow, but I ran it all! It was such an awesome feeling of accomplishment and I feel much more confident going into my race tomorrow. I know it is going to be tough, and that I may have to walk at some point, but I just loved the way it felt to just be out and running, and not be checking my watch, or distance every 20 seconds like I did when I started. It is so hard for me to believe that I went from struggling to run for 60 seconds at a time, to running 3 miles. And, that I enjoy it! Who would have guessed. So, tomorrow is the big day and while I'm a little anxious, and a little more so because I know many of the people who are going to be there and everyone will know how freakin slow I am. But, whatever! here we go :)

back in the saddle

Well, after a week off with a yucky cold, I went for a run yesterday. It actually went better than I had anticipated. I was almost to my second mile, aiming for 2.5 and I was thinking, "wow, I actually feel pretty good, considering how sick I've been!" Then just as my Runkeeper announced I had 2.25 (first .25 was my walking warm-up) I got dizzy. Really dizzy, so I slowed to a walk to get my head together, but then I had to stop and put my head down for a minute. I realized that 2 miles was a good start back and it was time to go home. I had some muscle pain in my right quad, but it feels better this morning. So, all in all, a pretty decent start back.

I think it's cool that so many of my friends are running now too. I never thought it would be the kind of club I could be a part of, asking for advice about where to run, and pacing and choosing races. I can't wait for summer to run the boards :)