you go, girl!

I went for a run yesterday and did the same double loop of my neighborhood that I did earlier this week. It felt a little bit better and I was able to go a little bit faster this time. As I was jogging along, I began to count how many weeks I have until my race and I was relieved and excited to discover that on top of the week I just completed, I had four more! I don't know what I was thinking before, but I had a slight panic that I only had 3 weeks! This realization helped me relax and enjoy my run that much more.

This idea of found time made me think about how, in my limited experience with running, that time has become really important. I dropped my first race because I didn't feel ready, but never dropped running, I just rescheduled for two weeks later. As I prepared for my 7 mile race this summer, I could feel that I wouldn't be ready, and I wasn't. I have struggled with the idea of quitting, but what I have come to realize is, that it doesn't feel like quitting if I am following what I know in my heart and what my body tells me it is capable of AT THAT TIME. Actually, it's funny that the title of this blog is "a year to love running" because when I started it, that seemed almost funny. But now, almost a year in, training for another 5K, something I never thought I could do, I find that while I'm not sure I could say I "love" running yet, I certainly do enjoy it! (Well, most days, anyway...)

Running is hard. If it weren't hard, everyone would do it. I tell myself this a lot these days, particularly when I know for some people it comes more easily. I am not one of those people. I work hard for progress, and the progress is small. But it is progress and I celebrate it. I have a friend who doesn't really understand why I wouldn't be comfortable running in an event when I didn't feel totally prepared. They would say, "Just go for it! No one cares but you!" But for me, that's not comfortable or enjoyable, and they are right, no one cares but me. But who else am I doing this for but me? It makes me feel bad about my performance and like I have failed myself because I just wasn't ready. It doesn't mean I will never run again, but it does mean I know I have to work harder and for a longer period of time than some people. There are some things I pick up quickly and would take a risk doing, cooking, pottery, board games, teaching, but then there is running. I have always hated running, so just the fact that I'm trying makes me feel pretty good. The fact that I didn't quit after my first 5K, makes me feel really good. I am not a person who sets goals like, if I do this, I will get myself this. Or if I finish this, I'll do this for myself. I do it just to have done it. I get a great deal of satisfaction from the process itself and the running is the goal, not the other way around. At least, for me, anyway.

Ok, this was a very different post than I had in mind when I started. I will leave with one parting thought. On my run Friday evening, a woman walking her dog shouted at me, "you go, girl!" as I struggled with the last stretch of my run. It was reminiscent of when the dude ran with me on the boardwalk. It felt good to struggle and for someone's encouragement to push me to finish just a little bit stronger. So if you are a struggling runner, or thinking about becoming one, just remember, "you go, girl!" And if you see a runner, a little word of encouragement never hurts!

What keeps you going?